Plot summary (with spoilers): It's the Way Back Olden Times, like 1853 or so, and the marshall of the little town of Hadleyville, Will Kane, is to be married to his lovely long-time gal Amy. Amy is a pacifist and a Quaker and a helluva dancer when she's acting with Fred Astaire. They get married in the Court House and around about a dozen or so well-wishers, and then they board their horse and wagon, headed off to their honeymoon and then a new life in a new town. Kane feels weird about turning in his badge because the new marshall isn't due to arrive until tomorrow, but his deputy Harvey Pell (Lloyd Bridges, looking reasonably young) will hold down the fort until then. Harvey says, "I'm sure we'll all be just fine without you until tomorrow" and everybody laughs and laughs because movies haven't been invented yet, and they don't know they're not supposed to say shit like that.
But then a dude comes running up and says he's got bad news. The dastardly villain, Frank Miller, just got out of prison due to some technicality thanks to his lawyers Johnnie Cochran and Gloria Allred, and is coming into town on the noon train. His three sidekick henchman are at the train station right now, waiting for him to arrive. They all stare at the clock. It's 10:40. Only eighty minutes until the train arrives.
Everyone stares at Kane. Harvey tells him to leave right now, as fast as he can. Kane gets on his horse and goes "hi-ya" or whatever you do with the lasso thingie and the wagon takes off.
Then we cut to the three henchman at the station, looking sinister and evil.
But Kane doesn't get too far when he pulls on the lasso thingie and tells the horses to whoa. He tells Amy he was to go back and fight Frank. He's the one who arrested Frank and Frank wants revenge. Amy says she's a pacifist and a Quaker and she's against guns and fighting and loves PETA and communist China. She says she'll leave without him if goes back, but he goes back anyway.
He then tries to get his deputy and round up a posse. One dude says he'll join him, and then runs home to get his guns. Then Kane goes wandering around the town. He goes to a saloon and asks for help, but the bartender says he's got "a lot of nerve" asking such a thing because he knows that half the people in the bar are on Frank's side.
Meanwhile, deputy Harvey goes to his girlfriend's house. His girlfriend is a Mexican woman named Helen Ramirez who used to date Kane and before that dated Frank Miller. When she hears Frank is coming back, she packs up all her shit and says she's taking the next train out of town. She asks Harvey to go with her, but he won't. Then Kane shows up to warn her about Frank coming back, and she says she already knows and then it turns out Amy followed Kane to Helen's house and she begs Kane again to come with her and he says no and they look at the clock and there's about an hour now.
Hey, this is in real time, isn't it? Like Nick of Time, with Johnny Depp, and probably other movies.
So then Kane goes to his friend's house and his friend sees him walking up and he goes and hides and tells his wife to say he's not home, which she does. His friend is Harry Morgan aka Colonel Potter. He still looks kinda old.
So then Kane goes to the church and interrupts the sermon and asks people to join him and some are sympathetic but tell him that if he just leaves, Frank will probably not do anything bad. And others say that Frank's mad at him, not them, so why should they help?
This is a town full of assholes.
Then Amy visits Helen and tries to get her to talk to Kane, but Helen says Kane won't listen to her and then they both decide to leave on the train together. It's like Thelma and Louise, but uninteresting.
Then Harvey says he's angry at Kane for not making him the new marshall and outsourcing the job and then he tries to force Kane onto a horse out of town. They get into a fistfight and Kane wins.
The dude from the beginning who volunteered to be part of the posse comes back and when Kane breaks it to him that no one else will be joining them, he says "ah...well..this is awkward", and then bolts. It's pretty funny.
It's now about three minutes to noon. The train whistle can be heard in the distance.
Close ups of all the main characters, looking apprehensive.
The train stops, and Helen and Amy get on, while evil Frank Miller gets off.
One of his men hands him a gun. They go stomping off, looking for trouble.
And they just found it.
(I totally felt like an 80's action movie guy right then. That was fun!)
They're marching through the main street of town and suddenly Kane whips around the corner from behind them, and shoots one of the dudes. He falls over dead.
On the train, Amy hears the gunshot and feels bad for being the world's least supportive wife, and gets off the train.
The men chase Kane through town, firing shot after shot. Kane hides in a barn and they light it on fire,. Kane pokes his head out, and shoots another henchman. Two down, two to go. Inside the barn, Kane sets free a whole bunch of horses, and rides one as well. They all bust out of the barn, but Frank gets one good shot off and hits Kane in the arm. Kane goes down and runs off into hiding.
Amy runs into Kane's office, unseen.
Frank and the last henchman are behind a house, shooting at Kane. One of them backs up along the side of a building, in full view of a window. He reloads his gun, then aims at Kane, who doesn't see him.
BANG!
Nope, it's not the henchman shooting Kane, it's Amy shooting the henchman! Go, Amy! Next up, fur coats and veal!
Then Frank runs into the office and grabs Amy. He takes her outside and demands Kane give up or he'll shoot her.
Kane comes out of hiding and says he'll give up, just don't kill the girl. Suddenly, Amy attacks Frank, scratching at his face. He pushes her away, giving Kane his clean shot. Bang. Frank's dead, baby. Frank's dead.
Suddenly, the whole town comes out of hiding, patting Kane on the back, all smiles. Kane throws his badge down on the ground in disgust, glares at them all, then puts his arm around his woman, and gets on a wagon and rides away.
OH SNAP, TOWN!
You just got nooned. High nooned.
Review: Not bad. The real-time aspect added some suspense to things, and the last twenty minutes or so were pretty great. There was some stalling, though, even at 87 minutes, and some padding and unnecessary scenes. But it was was still fun to see Kane get increasingly more frustrated and panicked as more and more of the town turned their backs on him. Gary Cooper did a great job in the role, fully embodying the character of a men who values dignity and standing up and doing the right thing no matter the consequences. Interestingly, there are many who see the movie as an allegory for the McCarthy Hearings, but I didn't see that at all. I mean, who is Frank supposed to represent? The American government, and the cowardly townspeople are the one who named names, and Gary Cooper is the brave one who doesn't?
Okay...but then you could pretty much stretch anything if you're going to be that vague about it. It's like a movie symbolism Rorschach Test.
Anyway, noted douche John Wayne hated the movie and called it "unamerican" because the marshall had the nerve to ask people to help him fight and because his woman saved him in the end. That right there is enough to make me like this movie.
Stars: Three and a half out of five.
Next, "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington", and then it's 10th Grade English all over again with, "To Kill a Mockingbird".
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