I can't be absolutely certain, but I think this is the first movie I ever saw in the theatre. We weren't exactly rich and didn't make the formidable trek to Greenback Lane very often, but I remember going for this movie. Other early movie memories include a double feature of Tron and Star Trek II, as well as E.T., but all those movies came out in 1982. I didn't see Empire Strikes Back until after it came out on video. So I think this is the first.
Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to rewatch this today, but luckily I still have my old blog post from 1981, so I'm just going to repost it here. I hope nobody minds. (Spoilers, naturally).
WHAT HAPENED IN THIS MOVIE:
These guys are in the jungle trying to find a gold statue head thing, and Indiana Jones is with them. He has a cool whip and he goes hi-ya! and whips this guy who tries to shoot him and stuff! Then he goes down inside a cave with this other guy, and a bunch of spiders climb on them but Han Solo I mean Indiana Jones gets them off. Then there's a bunch of booby traps and they have to swing across a hole in the ground like on Pitfall and he gets the gold statue but it's booby trapped and a HUGE HUMONGOUS ROCK rolls down and almost squishes him, but he gets away just in time, but then the bad guys take the gold statue from him and they chase him and he runs SUPER FAST and gets away on a plane!
Then there's a bunch of boring stuff when he's a teacher in school and the kids are all grown ups anyway and everybody talks and talks a lot for like ten hours. Some guys tell Indy that he has to go to some jungle place on a plane and find the magic treasure thing so he goes.
Then there's this girl in a bar who is Indiana Joneses girlfriend and I think maybe she's Lois Lane. She drinks apple juice from a little tiny glass and then everybody cheers. Then Indy comes in the bar and she hits him and tells him to get out and he does because girls are lame. Then this mean bad guy with black clothes comes in with some other bad guys and they grab Lois Lane and try to cut her up but Indiana Jones rescues her and burns the whole place down. And the bad guy tries to grab a gold necklace out of the fire, but it's hot like a stove and you're not supposed to touch it and it burns his hand.
Then they go to Aladdin Land, and have a pet monkey just like the Wonder Twins. They talk for a while and it's SUPER BORING again but then they go shopping or something in the town and a bunch of Aladdin guys try to hurt them and Lois Lane hides in a basket. Then these guys try to beat up Indy, but he punches them over and over! Then this one guy has a really big sword and he waves it around and around and Indy just shoots him! Laugh out loud!
But Lois Lane gets carried away in the basket by the bad guys and Indy tries to save her, but a whole bunch of people have the same baskets and he can't find her. I guess in Aladdin Land they all carry around baskets all day. My mom said they don't believe in Jesus so maybe that's related.
Then there's a bunch more talking and Indy is sad because he can't find Lois Lane.
Then a LONG TIME later at nighttime, Indy and his friends try to find the magic treasure thing and the guy with all the black clothes is there too and he's trying to stop them.
So Indy and his friend go down inside a pit where there's a bunch of snakes and Indy says, "I hate snakes!" but he's really just afraid of them. Then they get this treasure, but then the guy with all the black clothes steals the treasure from them and throws Lois Lane down in the pit with Indy and the snakes. The snakes are SCARY. But then they climb out and go past a bunch of skeletons like from Halloween. Then they try to get on a plane but this BIG HUGE guy that I think is Andre the Giant tries to beat up Indy, but then he gets cut up in the plane propeller! SO GROSS!!
Then Indy tells Lois Lane to stay there because she's just a girl and his other friend stays with her. Indy goes after the bad guys who have the treasure and he tries to get it back. He jumps on there car and then climbs into it and punches the guy! And he fights them all and gets the treasure. Then they go on a boat for some reason. Then Lois Lane tries to kiss Indy but he pretends to fall asleep to get out of it. Gross!
But then the bad guys get on the boat and try to get the treasure and Indy hides in a pipe thing or something but they capture Lois Lane again. So Indy follows them to some other place where they take the treasure and then he points a bazooka at them or something and says "GIVE IT UP!" but they capture him. So he gets tied up with Lois Lane and the bad guys put the treasure down in the magic place where it's supposed to go and everything lights up all crazy and ghosts come out and Indy says "SHUT YOUR EYES!" and they do and the ghosts make all the bad guyses faces melt off! SO COOL!!
Then theres more talking but not two much and then I think Indy probably marries Lois Lane.
REVIEW: So awesome! So cool! The talking was boring but it went by fast!
STARS: Twenty infinity plus one!
(Actually, I'd say four stars, here in 2011). Next is, "The African Queen" (with Katherine Hepburn! Yay!) And then "Network".
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